Why Lee should not go missing
by sweet-and-simple
Summary: Lee is trying out a new jutsu; note that he still hasn't mastered it yet, and goes missing for a whole day. With an insane sensei and a lover that was once insane, how does that work out for Lee?


Deep breath in, deep breath out; peek between two tightly clasped hands to see if anything has changed. Sigh in disappointment when you discover nothing different from the last time you checked. Become determined to stay absolutely still until a change does occur. Repeat this process until you are so obsessed with what you are doing, you forget about what you are supposed to be doing.

Lee had been sitting there the entire day doing _just_ that. A small seed was the point of obsession; trying to make it grow through concentration and chakra flow (which he still has not mastered), Lee had had no progress. In the deepest, most quiet part of the forest bordering on the next country over from Konoha; Lee had not been home since…maybe 6 a.m. He had left with no word to anyone, even his redheaded lover (well…okay, that is a lie, but the noise included was not classified as a conversation…the main thing is that he did not tell him what he planned to do) or beloved sensei. He knew that this was something he must do by himself! That, of course, was a very bad idea on Lee's part. When that redheaded lover _was_ clinically insane, and your beloved sensei _is_ clinically insane, pulling a disappearing act was _not_ a smart move.

In short, as far as the people of Konoha were concerned, Lee was missing. This meant that Gai was having a mental breakdown from not knowing where his precious mini-me is every moment of that moment of the day; which means that Neji and Tenten are unable to escape Gai's radiating depression and have both grown immense headaches from the constant crying and shouting and throwing…of themselves. They will be much pain in the morning.

Those headaches, if converted into pure, undulated horror, would be no equal to what the subordinates of the Kazekage were feeling. All their attempts to assuage the lived redhead usually went along these lines: "I am sure we are going to find him!…We just haven't found him, yet!" which concluded their visits into the Kage's temporary rooms as they were, with no warning but the 'I'm about to fucking die!' instinct, nearly choked to death by sand before being dumped on the mat outside the door which, ironically, said 'Oh shit, not you again.' Why ever that was there, it made all the abused jounin feel as if the mat was terrified of them being there too.

Lady Tsunade was so drunk, she was laughing at the mayhem; Shizune wished she was as drunk as her boss, and was only a few more bottles away from her wish. The piggy was just tired of suna nin coming up to him sobbing because they couldn't get a coherent word out of either the hokage or her assistant about the abuse they were taking from their own kage. Naruto was freaking out because everyone else was too busy freaking out to tell him why everyone was freaking out! It was amazingly, beautifully chaotic.

Once Gaara was free of his rooms and siblings, he was looking for his missing lover. Not ten feet out of the front door onto the open streets, he was greeted by the insane green thing that he would have rather avoided. It was moments like this when he could wish no one had ever revived him after his 'death'. But, as we all know, the gods hate his ass and brought him back to life _just_ to live through this hell! Oh, he could _feel_ the love; he could see it to: it was glaring at him with reddish-black eyes and horrifying green spandex. Under each arm of this 'love' were one jounin; Neji was under the left, Tenten the right, slowly suffocating to death from the tight grip their old sensei had on them and the overpowering stench of youth. This 'love' was looking at Gaara as if he would not mind at _all_ to choke him to death either.

"My most youthful student…missing out there in the great unknown…and my great sensei senses are telling me that…YOUR UNYOUTHFUL, DESPICABLE WAYS ARE TO BE ACCOUNTED FOR THIS!!! DID YOU DRIVE MY MOST BEAUTIFUL BLOSSOMING SON-LIKE LOTUS FROM ME!!??!! DID YOU BREAK THE EVER INNOCENT HEART OF THE CHILD I WOULD ADORE TO CALL MY SONE!!??!! MUST I USE MY IMMENSE STRENGTH TO PUNISH YOU!!??!!"

One student dropped to the ground with a loud whoosh of air as Gai pointed at him accusingly. He opened his mouth; about to say something else, but Gaara was just tired of this shit.

"Shut up." Gaara closed his eyes to gain some calm back. This was just ridiculous. "When I last saw Lee, it was this morning. He left happy, I doubt he is missing because he is upset."

A dark fury descended across Gai's face. The second jounin fell to the ground, nearly unconscious because of oxygen depravation, as Gai curled his other hand into a fist in a threatening manner. Yeah, as if Gaara was scared.

"HOW DO YOU KNOW FOR CERTAIN!!?? MY MOST YOUTHFUL PUPIL WOULD HAVE AWAKENED AND LEFT!! WHEN DID YOU HAVE TIME TO SPEAK TO HIM OF HOW HE FELT!!??!!"

Gaara was very irritated now. "I know" -he began slowly incase the man was incapable of understanding him if he spoke too fast- "because he has never left our bed unhappy." He looked up to the fuming green thing. "And I know because of the noises he made."

"What do you mean?" Gai had both arms thrown in front of his face in a defense stance, eyes wide with denial and insanely pale for someone so tan. "You make it sound as if Lee…my most courageous, confident pupil!…were not innocent. Are you insinuating that he is not a virgin!? ARE YOU ATTEMPTING TO SAY THAT HE IS NOT AS PURE AS THE FALLING SNOW OR THE UNOPENED BLOSSOM!!??!!?? WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN THAT YOU WOULD EVEN DARE _HINT _AT SUCH A THING!!??!!??

The area where Gaara's right eyebrow would be twitched and he fought back a long suffering sigh. He wanted to find Lee, not listen to this bullshit.

"What do you think Lee and I do in the same bed?" He asked irritably. "Hint: we do not speak politics, though noise is included; **loud** noise. Usually from Lee."

"NOOO!!! WHY IS THE WORLD SO CRUEL!!??!!…!!"

Gai collapsed in a weeping heap, curling into a fetal position right in the middle of the road. Spectators looked on with frustration; not this again. Neji walked away, disgusted with the scent of sweat and 'youth' stuck in his hair now. Tenten was quick to follow her friend, this could be a good time to sharpen her weapons…what? There was nothing left for them to do here.

Gaara muttered 'idiot' under his breath. Turning away from the sobbing man, he went to search for his lost lover. If that buffoon honestly cared for Lee, he wouldn't have been stalling Gaara. He had not taken two steps when a familiar chakra tickled at the edges of his senses.

"Lee."

"GAARA-KOI!!"

A green blur dashed over the Konoha walls, coming at the Kazekage fast. A strong force nearly managed to knock Gaara off of his feet and, with just as equal force, pressed against his lips and stole his breath. He immediately leaned into the lip contact even as he shoved Lee back from the slam-hug. He hated those things, no matter how good Lee felt against him. Lee pushed himself from away from the kiss, flushed from it and excitement, grin wider than when he had first bombarded the kage. Thrusting one hand into the redhead's face so that his fist was hardly a centimeter away from his lover's nose, Lee began shouting with joy.

"Look, Gaara-koi! I did it! I have had to concentrate for 12 hours and 37 minutes without food or water in the most secluded area of the forest nearly on enemy territory; but my determination has been paid off!"

Gaara looked from his excited lover to the object being pushed into his face. After careful inspection, the specimen was identified as a small seed. A neat crack had formed itself along the front and a green sprouted had risen from that crack. Gaara looked from the weed to beautiful ebony eyes alight with joy and accomplishment. Cupping his own hands around Lee's bandaged appendages, he focused his chakra till he felt it wind around the near non-existent chakra paths of Lee's. The small, green bud began to grow, opening so large, it folded over both of their hands as a large sunflower (which, for no reason, has no stem…hmmm). Once that was over with, Gaara took his hands away. Job accomplished: make his lover very happy for tonight. Gaara nodded at his own thought, watching as Lee became ecstatic over the flower.

"YOSH! Our love has bloomed this wonderful seed into a beautiful, bright plant! I shall go and find the perfect pot in which to put it in!"

"Lee."

"Yes, Gaara-koi!?"

"It's not coming home with us."

He was then put on the receiving end of the largest puppy dog look Lee was capable of giving: which is pretty damn large, seeing as how that look was the reason there was a room in the Kazekage's residence dedicated to training equipment and another for stray animals Lee brought home with him. Gaara remained firm on this, though; animals were one thing, wasting precious water on a weed that did nothing but _sit_ there was just disgusting to him.

Lee realized that he had lost the battle (No nosebleed that Gaara would try to play off as not being there as he nodded in that 'does it look like I care?' way before Lee was fucked into the grou- STORY FOR ANOTHER TIME!). Since this was a lost cause, what was he going to do with the beautiful plant? It had so much to live for! An idea so amazingly simple popped into his head, Gaara had to retreat a few steps so as not to go blind looking at his lover's pearly whites. He was a kage, damnit. He couldn't go blind now!

"I know! I shall give this wonderful blossom to Gai-Sensei! Gai-Sensei…"

Lee stared blankly at his fallen role model, still sobbing on the ground, tucked into the emo corner. How had he not noticed _that_? Turning back to Gaara, he tried to figure out exactly what had happened without having to ask and get an answer that would most likely leave him scarred for life. Gaara could be painfully straightforward like that. Turning from his lover to his sensei a few times, he finally sighed in defeat. There were a thousand different things that could have happened, and it was usually the one that had never occurred to him that had happened.

"Okay, I will bite. What happened while I was gone?"

"LEE! Tell me it is not true!" Gai, sobbing still and dragging the emo corner with him, power-crawled till he was wrapped tightly around his younger mini-me's knees like a leech that feared no fire. Lee wobbled as Gai began shaking him from his foundation. "You are pure! Innocently youthful! HAS THIS DEVILISHLY HOT MAN SEDUCED YOU INTO HIS BED!!?? HAS HE USED HIS AMAZING TALENT OF SMEXINESS ON YOU!!??"

Lee's face flushed with horror and embarrassment. He opened his mouth and closed it a few times; he had no idea what to say. He turned to his redhead lover in hopes that he knew what to say. Gaara nodded, signifying that he would take care of this. Lee relaxed slightly; again, as we all know, the gods have something against Lee too; Lee, who does not believe that, gives the gods every chance they need to burn him…_bad_.

"Lee has not been a virgin for three years. I did not seduce him, he is to oblivious for such a thing. I molested him, which worked well if his screams for more were accurate. Yes, I used my amazing talents of smexiness on him. He loved what I do to him with my smexiness and he gives amazing blowjobs.

"NOOO!!" In classic 'Why is the world so against me?' pose, Gai re-collapsed, his grip sliding to Lee's ankles to retain a hold. Lee looked like that freaky painting Gaara had been asked to comment on where the bald person (whatever the hell that thing had been) looked horrified on top of the bridge (a.k.a. scream, but Gaara knows that that wasn't just someone screaming at nothing, that was someone looking in the mirror and screaming).

Gai could _not_ believe that Lee was not a virgin who was saving himself for his most special person (which we all know _is _Gaara, but Gai lives in denial; poor, poor Gai). Lee could _not_ believe that Gaara had just said that in front of his other most special person. Gaara _could _believe just how fast he was becoming hard from thinking about Lee's mind-blowing blowjobs. The art of taijutsu…he would have to learn that sometime.

Grasping his horrified lover, Gaara turned away from the chaos, including the insane green man being dragged right along with Lee, much to Gaara's irritation. Gaara wanted to go home and experience more of those wonderful blowjobs (Damn you, Gai; why won't you let them go and make sexy love together?!?).

"Lee!!"

'_I want to kill him, I want to kill him, I want to kill him; damn you, __**die**__!' The mantra in Gaara's head did nothing to hush up the older man._

"_At least you are the man, right!…?"_

_Lee blushed a fiery red and Gaara scowled. Now, he wrenched on Lee and finally managed to pull him safely away from the green man believing in a lost-cause._

"_Hell no." Gaara snarled. "I'm the man, bitch."_

"_NOOO!!!!"_

_Lee never left for hours at a time again without telling someone where he was going._


End file.
